Self-help is not the way to happiness

Self-help in America is big business -- an $11B business a year, in fact.  It's the same size as Nordstroms, Whole Foods or Black & Decker.

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be working.  According to the 2013 Happiness Index, the United States is ranked #17.  Not bad.  But, our less wealthy neighbors, Canada and Mexico, appear to be happier.

Why has America gone "gangbusters" over self-help?  

Well, I think it comes from our emphasis on the individual and democracy.  We've developed legends around the "self-made rags to riches" hero, which coincidentally shames those who have not achieved success in our "equal society" (see more here & here).

This status anxiety has led to two popular types of self-help:

1. How to be rich and powerful just like me (not me, Tamara... me, the hypothetical author)

2. Oh, you're not rich and powerful and loved?  You must have low self-esteem.  I can help.

Rather than see a professional, Americans typically prefer to try to solve their problems on their own or find a "silver bullet."  In fact, 10% of Americans are on anti-depressants, but most do not see a therapist.  Rather than taking time to develop happiness-inducing habits, we prefer to believe the snake oil of Joel Osteen, Suze Orman or Anthony Robbins

Like Alain de Botton says, "People are so proud to go the gym; so ashamed to go to the therapist."

Based on my Coursera class, Social Psychology by Scott Plous, there seems to be a few proven ways to improve happiness.

1. Be in the present.  

Studies by Richard Davidson reveal that monks actually have different brain compositions and higher levels of happiness than the rest of us.  Why?  Regular meditation (i.e., staying in the present). 

2. Spend your money wisely.

The old saying, "Money can't buy happiness," is a lie.  In reality, we can buy happiness.  People are more happy when they spend money on experiences or helping others (see Ted talk at top of post).  You might want to rethink buying a new sofa and instead spend your money on an activity or charity.

3. Keep your mind from wandering.

I have a wandering mind; therefore, do as I say, not as I do.  People are most happy when exercising.  Least happy when watching TV.  Why?  The more you're in the present, the happier you will be.

4. Be with others

We are social animals.  It also makes us happier.  It doesn't matter if you're extraverted or introverted -- we all need close relationships, regardless.

5. Practice gratitude

Keeping a gratitude journal increases optimism and general well-being in just 10 weeks.  Saying thank you goes a long way.

6. Beware of the hedonic treadmill

We often believe that a major event (i.e., winning the lottery, breaking up, getting a promotion, losing a race) will have a long-lasting positive or negative effect on our happiness.  In reality, most humans quickly return to a stable level of happiness.  Therefore, don't place all your bets on being happier once you get promoted or move into that bigger house or get married -- it won't last long.

In conclusion, don't trust the self-help industry to make you happy.  Try a few of the scientifically proven methods above.  And, most of all, give yourself time.  Happiness doesn't happen over night. 

"It isn't logical that 'being happy' should be any easier than, say, learning the violin - or require any less effort." 

- Alain de Botton