William Glasser's Choice Theory

Aimee Bee Brooks

I read Infinite Jest earlier this year on a 6 day train ride across Russia, Mongolia and China.  On day two, I reached a passage filled with truisms on life, ranging from humorous to profound:

"That trying to dance sober is a whole different kettle of fish... That 'acceptance' is usually more a matter of fatigue than anything else... That different people have radically different ideas of basic personal hygiene...That, perversely, it is often more fun to want something to have it.... That having sex with someone you do not care for feels lonelier than not having sex in the first place, afterward."

 He then states:

"That everybody is identical in their secret unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else.  That this isn't necessarily perverse."

Isn't that the truth?  Maybe it's something engrained in our psyche after learning that we're "all unique snowflakes' in kindergarten.

In reality, we are all a lot more similar than that unspoken, deep down belief.

William Glasser, an American psychologist, that recently passed away developed the "Choice Theory"

Essentially, he believed that all our behavior originates from 5 basic needs:

1. Survival (food, clothing, shelter, safety)
2. Love & Belonging (friends, family, partner)
3. Power & Competence (status, respect)
4. Freedom & Autonomy (ownership, living as you want)
5. Fun & Learning (experiences, leisure, personal growth)

We all have all 5 needs, but usually there are a few more dominant needs.  For example, I'm really high on the need for Freedom & Fun, while quite a bit lower on the need for power.

Our whole life is a balancing act of meeting those needs (hence the juggler on the left side).  If you're feeling down or frustrated, it usually means one of those balls has been dropped. 




Just moved cities?  You're likely feel low on "love & belonging."  
Working way too much?  You're probably due for some extreme leisure (or at least a drink)
Feeling belittled by your manager?  You're low on "power" (and probably a little angsty)
Worried about your finances? You're low on "survival"

I could go on, but you get the point.  It's an excellent framework to diagnose "what's wrong."

Personally, I often have 'escapism' dreams of leaving everything behind and traveling forever.  Maybe one day I'll have the guts to do this, but for now, it usually means I'm feeling trapped by the routine of work life and need to add more freedom to my life -- even silly things like reminding myself I can work from another office location or that I largely manage my own work schedule feeds a little bit of that "freedom" need.

How do your needs looks?  I'd love to meet someone that has the opposite order as me (Mine are: 1. Freedom, 2. Fun, 3. Love & Belonging, 4. Survival, 5. Power).