Self-Diagnosis: What's making you unhappy

(Source: Daniel Zakhorav)

Anais Nin said, "I have no brakes on... analysis is for those who are paralyzed by life."

At some point, we all become a bit paralyzed by life.  This paralysis can take many forms -- depression, dissatisfaction, boredom, jadedness, etc.

When this hits, how do you break free?
Firstly, it's important to diagnose what's the underlying cause.  Unfortunately, that's way more difficult than it sounds.

I personally like William Glasser's approach, Choice Theory, for self-diagnosis.  Essentially, our behavior is based on 5 needs:

• Survival: Food, shelter, safety, etc
• Belonging/Connecting/Love
• Power/Significance/Competence
• Freedom/Autonomy
• Fun/Learning

By using this framework, you can go through each need and determine if it's not being met.  For example, maybe you're being belittled at work, so you're low on power/significance/competence.  Or, you just moved to a new city and are low on belonging/connecting/love in a new environment.

Everyone has all 5 needs, but they vary in amount person-by-person.  For example, I'm really high on freedom/autonomy and fun/learning, so once those needs are encroached on, I'm likely to be unhappy.  I think that explains my insatiable wanderlust.

Once you've identified what's making you unhappy, you can make changes.

Glasser believes behavior is made up of 4 components: acting, thinking, feeling & physiology.  You have the ability to directly control the first two, which then affect the second two.  

You can take control of your wellbeing by changing your thoughts and action to fulfill those needs.  For this to happen, it's important to have a growth mindset (i.e., things can change not things will always be the same).  

For example, if you're low on belonging/connecting/love in a new city, it might be worth scheduling regular calls with friends and family, finding activities to meet new people or trying a dating app (apparently Tinder is all the rage right now).  As for your thoughts, it's important to remind yourself that it takes time to meet new people and remember positive examples of how you were able to find "your place" in other cities. 

If you're unable to adjust your actions and thoughts, it might be helpful to check out Cognitive Behavior Therapy to guide you through the process.

PS - Want to learn more?  Check out Glasser's book on Amazon